


Having a child is like getting a tattoo... on your face

by spaceslade



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Earth C (Homestuck), Ectobiology, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Gossip, Human/Troll Hybrids, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Kismesissitude, Multi, Non-Binary Roxy Lalonde, Not Epilogue Compliant, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Canon, Shipping, they're all idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-14 09:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19270036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceslade/pseuds/spaceslade
Summary: Everyone saw Dave and Karkat getting together coming. What was surprising, however, was when the two of them came to John and asked for his help having a kid.





	1. Am I making a weird mutant mini Davekat or not?

"John, you're absolutely sure this is gonna work, right? I don't think I can handle seeing our fucked up mutant ecto-baby dying a slow, hideous death right before my eyes."

"Relax, Dave. Jade and I went over this together like twenty times. It's gonna be fine."

"BUT THANKS FOR THE MENTAL IMAGE, DAVE. THAT'S REALLY WHAT I WANT TO BE PICTURING RIGHT NOW."

"Excuse me for taking precautions when messing around with weird cross-breeding science. From this day forward, all of my decisions will be completely reckless and terrible."

"SO YOU'RE GOING TO STAY THE SAME."

"Fuck you."

John put his fingers up to his temples and squeezed his eyes shut. Rose chuckled and shook her head.

"I think the real question is: are you two going to be able to handle bringing up a child without mentally scarring it for life?" she asked.

"ROSE, CAN YOU NOT? LET'S WORRY ABOUT ONE GODDAMN THING AT A TIME."

John whirled around to face everyone. He, Dave, Karkat, Rose, Kanaya, and Jade were all standing in John's ectobiology lab. Roxy and Dirk were supposed to be there as well but were unsurprisingly late.

"Ok," said John. "Am I making a weird mutant mini Davekat or not? Because all I need to do now is hit this button."

Dave and Karkat exchanged a nervous glance and Dave nodded at John. Jade let out a tiny squeal of excitement.

"Alright. Would you guys like to do the honors?" asked John as he gestured to the lab's control panel.

"I GUESS WE PROBABLY SHOULD."

Dave nodded again and the two walked over to the panel, each placing a hand on the button labeled "Create".

"Count of three?"

"YEAH."

"One, two..."

When Dave said "three", he and Karkat pressed down on the button. A hum filled the room, and a platform to their left began to glow. Then, a flash. The sound of a child crying filled the room.

Before Dave and Karkat could turn around, they heard Jade gasp.

"Oh, she's adorable!"

"I'M SORRY WHAT?" Karkat whipped around and laid eyes on him and Dave's child. On the ground was an infant girl. At first glance, she looked like any other human child. But on her head were tiny horns, and her eyes were that troll shade of yellow.

Dave was the first to walk over and scoop her up. "Dude. Dude look. Come look at our kid."

Karkat stood in silent shock, not moving towards Dave. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND. HOW IS IT A GIRL?"

John shrugged. "I mean, I could have made her a boy if you wanted but neither of you specified a gender, so I just randomized it."

"BUT... DAVE AND I ARE BOTH GUYS."

Kanaya put her face in her hands. "Karkat, I'm Assuming You Did Not Read The Book On Human Genetics And Reproduction That Rose And I Provided You With."

Before Karkat could answer, Dirk and Roxy burst through the door.

"Omg, I'm so sorry we're late. It's Dirk's fault but like I'm sorry anyway," said Roxy as they approached.

"Ok, not true," said Dirk as he trailed just behind them. "But whatever. Where's my grandkid-slash-niece-or-nephew at?"

Dave smiled at Dirk and held up his new daughter, and Dirk reached out for her.

"Hold on," said Dave as he turned to Karkat. "You gotta hold her first. It's a dad's right of passage."

Karkat shifted awkwardly, suddenly overcome with fear. Half of him hadn't expected to get this far. He was sure John was going to say he and Jade found some sort of incompatibility with human and troll DNA, or that Dave was going to back out at the last minute. Instead, Dave stood in front of him with the biggest smile Karkat had ever seen on his face, holding his daughter. Their daughter. He felt his stomach flip.

"Y-YEAH, UH..." Karkat finally broke out of his stupor and walked over to Dave, who placed the infant in his arms. She had stopped crying and looked up at Karkat with wide eyes, making a soft cooing sound. In that instant, his heart melted. All the fear and tension he had been holding in slipped away.

"OH. WOW. FUCK."

"Karkat, Do Not Curse In Front Of The Newborn!" Kanaya said crossly.

Rose giggled. "Kanaya, my love, she can't understand him."

"It's The Principal."

"Well, we're just going to have to let Karkat and Dave make their own mistakes," Rose said with a smirk.

Karkat was more silent in that moment than anyone knew he was even capable of. In fact, the whole room fell silent. This was exciting in more ways than one. It meant any couple of any gender of any combination of species on Earth C could have a biological child. It meant John and Jade had contributed to the world without using their God-powers, something Jade had longed for since they had arrived on the planet. The second the group had set foot in this universe, it felt like their story was over. That they were useless. But this... This was a new beginning.

Roxy was the first one to break the silence. "So. What are you namin' the bab?"

"Uh." Dave said, bringing a hand up to the back of his neck.

"UH." Karkat echoed.

Rose's eyes went wide. "Did you two seriously not think of a name yet?"

"WELL, IN MY DEFENSE, I DID COME UP WITH SEVERAL NAMES, THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH."

"Well, then, spill!!!!" said Roxy.

"THEY'RE ALL BOY'S NAMES, DUMBASS."

"Karkat It Is Not Roxy's Fault That You Failed To Educate Yourself."

"Honestly," said Dave. "All my names are boy's names, too."

"Dave, you're an idiot," said Rose.

"That's fair. But can we agree Karkat's a bigger idiot in this situation?"

"No."

"You could totally give her a boy's name," said Roxy. "You all know my personal opinion that gender is a heckin' scam."

"I agree with Roxy, for once," said Dirk. "Let's hear what you've got."

"Alright," said Dave. "What do you guys think of Bertram?"

"..."

"What?"

"DAVE, WHAT THE FUCK?"

"What!?"

"That's not even a real name," said John.

"Yes it is!" Dave shouted. "And even if it wasn't, who cares? This is our universe we can make anything a name if we fucking want to."

"DAVE I WILL ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT LET YOU NAME OUR GODDAMN CHILD MOTHERFUCKING  _BERTRAM._ "

"Jegus, fine. Well then... what about... Barack?"

"WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE."

"You guys!" Jade shouted over the arguing. "I have a suggestion if you'd like to hear it."

"YES, JADE. PLEASE. ANYTHING."

"Ok," Jade continued. "What do you think of 'Lynnet'?"

Roxy clasped their hands in front of their chest. "Omg, omg that's so pretty. I live. *Love. Actually, both."

"Does it mean anything?" asked John.

"Yes!" Jade replied. "It's a variant of the ancient Welsh name 'Lynette', but spelling it L-Y-N-N-E-T gives it six letters like a troll name! In Arthurian legend, Lynette was a noble lady who traveled to King Arthur's court seeking help for her beautiful sister Lyonesse whose lands were being besieged by the Red Knight. She accompanied the knight Sir Gareth to complete the quest!"

"So like," Dirk said. "A lady knight. That's fitting."

"It's no Bertram but I like it a lot, Jade," said Dave. "What do you think, Karkat?"

Karkat gazed down at the child in his arms. "What do you think?" he asked the child in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. "Do you want to be named Lynnet?"

The child smiled and Karkat felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes.

"YES. LYNNET IS PERFECT."

"Well, sounds like that's that!" said John as he shut down the ectobiology equipment. "But we have one more surprise for you two." John winked at Dave.

"What?"

"What do you mean what?" said Roxy. "We got y'all presents!"


	2. You're the only other sane person here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby shower time!!!

"SUPR1SE!!!"

"We made you guys a wriggling day c8ke!"

Terezi and Vriska rushed out of Dave and Karkat's house the second Karkat started up the walkway. Terezi practically tackled Dave with a hug and knocked the wind out of him, while Vriska admired the child in Karkat's arms.

"Awwwwwwww, she's so weird!"

"THANKS, VRISKA."

"L3T M3 G3T 4 SN1FF," Terezi said as she put her nose to Lynnet's head. "HUH. SH3 DO3S SM3LL K1ND4 WE1RD."

"FUCK BOTH OF YOU."

Vriska laughed and led everyone inside. "Now Karkat, is that any way to treat your friends who so kindly set up a whole cele8ration party for you two?"

They entered the kitchen, which was decorated with blue and pink streamers. Gifts covered the counter, along with a white frosted cake. In big, lime-green letters the cake read: CONGR4TS ON TH3 3CTO-B4BY!

Dave chuckled softly. "Wow. This is actually surprisingly nice of you guys. I'm saying that without any sarcasm. Thanks."

"No pro8lem, Dave."

"Hey wait a second, if Karkat and I didn't know this was happening then how the hell did you get in here?"

"DON'T QU3ST1ON OUR K1NDN3SS, D4V3!"

Dave decided it wasn't worth it to fight with them, but made a mental note that he should get someone to come and change the locks.

John helped Vriska and Terezi carry all the presents from the kitchen counter into the living room while everyone else got settled on the couches. He plopped down next to Karkat afterward, and Vriska sat on the floor next to Roxy and Dirk. Dave seated himself on Karkat's other side and Terezi set herself next to him. Jade and Rose sat on the other couch in the room. Kanaya walked over to where Dave and Karkat sat.

"Karkat, I Can Hold The Child While You Open Your Gifts?" asked Kanaya, bending down the take Lynnet.

"UH." Karkat clutched his daughter tightly. He hadn't put her down since Dave had originally handed her to him and seemed reluctant to hand her off now.

Dave put a hand on Karkat's leg. "It's alright, dude. Kanaya's like the most maternal person I've ever met. She's King Mom."

Roxy crossed their arms. "You're really gonna say that when I'm sitting right here?"

Dave slouched into the couch. "Roxy, last week your car got towed because of your  _six_ unpaid parking tickets. You're not winning any rewards for responsibility."

Roxy opened their mouth to respond before shutting it again in defeat.

After one more moment of indecision, Karkat finally sighed and gave Lynnet to Kanaya, who coddled her against her cheek. She went to sit down next to Rose, gently rocking Lynnet in her arms.

"ALRIGHT," said Karkat as he leaned down to open the first gift. "THIS ONE IS FROM... OH." His expression changed.

Dave leaned over to get a look at the tag. "Oh," he echoed. "It's from Jake and Jane."

The room went silent.

After they arrived on Earth C, everyone had pretty much gone their separate ways. Contact between the gang was next to none, save for those who coupled up. Three years later, Jade sent out a mass text. She called for an intervention, lamenting over how they had all grown apart. 'No one else went through what we went through together,' she had said. 'We need each other.' Everyone agreed and they all moved into the same neighborhood, one that ran down the borderline of the Human and Troll Kingdoms. Everyone except Jake and Jane.

Jane had refused to move the Crocker Headquarters, which were a few hours drive from the neighborhood her friends had chosen. She convinced Jake to stay behind with her, and the two had hardly been in contact since. They all periodically received invitations to various Crocker sponsored events. Nobody ever went.

Vriska elbowed Dirk. "You ever talk to the Condesce's little apprentice? Or are you still mad she stole your 8oy toy?" she whispered.

"Shut up," Dirk whispered back. Roxy gave both of them a side-glare.

"Oh, come on. I'm just m8king convers8tion. Aren't you over him yet?"

"None of your business."

"Ok, so that's a resounding 'no' on the over him thing."

"Would you two stop?!" Roxy snapped under her breath. "Dirk, they're about to open your gift."

Dirk huffed and turned away from Vriska. They sat through the rest of the gift opening in silence.

"THANKS, TEREZI, FOR THE... WHATEVER THIS THING IS."

"1T'S 4 T33TH3R! FOR WH3N BON3S ST4RT TO GROW OUT OF 1T'S W31RD HUM4N MOUTH!"

Dave put his head in his hands. "There are so many less disturbing ways you could have said that."

Now that the present-opening was over, Terezi hopped up and dished out the cake. They all started chatting amongst themselves.

"So," said Vriska, leaning over into Dirk's ear. "Looks like quiet time's over. You gonna spill or what?"

"Why the fuck do you even care?"

"Psh, isn't that what friends do? Talk to each other a8out stuff?"

"We aren't friends."

Vriska laughed and leaned closer. "Of course we are! Wasn't that Jade's plan? To get us all chummy with each other?"

"Yeah, well, that doesn't mean--"

"8esides," Vriska continued, ignoring Dirk. "We 8oth know you got serious 8aggage with John's ecto-dad. Have you ever considered that talking a8out it might help?"

Dirk said nothing in response to that but Roxy cleared their throat.

"Y'know, Dirk, she's gotta point."

"Oh, fuck this." Dirk stood up. "I'm gonna go hang out with someone less irritating." He walked over and sat on the already crowded couch next to John.

"Yeesh," said Vriska with a laugh.

"It's not gonna work, you know," said Roxy. They smirked at Vriska.

Vriska turned to face them. "What's not gonna work?"

"You're doing that weird troll hate-flirting, right? It's not gonna work on Dirk. He's strictly dickly."

"Ugh, you humans and your weird sexuality hang-ups. 8ut no, that is not what I was doing. He's just fun to mess with."

Roxy giggled. "Lmao yeah he is." They paused for a moment. "But like, don't be too mean to him. He's a lot more fragile than he acts."

Vriska just shrugged and took another bite of her cake.

"Hey, Dirk!" said John when Dirk squeezed in next to him. "Having a good time?"

"Oh yeah, this is a blast," Dirk said in a deadpan voice.

John frowned. He glanced at Dave and Karkat before grabbing Dirk by the arm and dragging him over to the kitchen.

"Honestly, thank God you're here," he said.

Dirk raised an eyebrow. "Uh, why?"

John placed his hands on Dirk's shoulders. "Because you're the only other sane person here right now."

Dirk gave a small chuckle before bursting into laughter. "Egbert, you're the LAST person I would expect to say that. But yeah, they're all fucking idiots." He looked down at the ground. "I mean, they're MY fucking idiots. I love all-- I love most of them to death but I need a fucking break right now."

John nodded, wide-eyed. "Me too." He relinquished his grip on Dirk's shoulders and both of them leaned against the countertop.

"So, what happened to make you bolt like that?" asked Dirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a ton of baby Lynnet in this chapter but don't worry we'll see Karkat and Dave being Cool Dads soon enough.
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: @spacegirl-kali


	3. One that reads "I have offspring with Dave fucking Strider"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat brings Lynnet to her new nursery.
> 
> And yes, there is a Deltarune reference in this chapter :)

Karkat fidgeted anxiously in his seat. Dave's hand had not left his leg since he put it there to comfort him, which helped calm his nerves a bit. Kanaya sat across from him, still rocking and talking softly to Lynnet. She really was the maternal type, it was literally in her blood. But Karkat? The only thing in his blood was error. He wasn't fit to take care of another living being! Over half of his original Alternian team was slaughtered under his leadership, how the hell was he supposed to keep a baby safe?

He felt himself beginning to sweat, so after John and Dirk disappeared Karkat also excused himself, leaving Terezi and Dave alone.

"CAN I, UM, HAVE MY KID BACK NOW?"

Kanaya looked up at Karkat with a grin on her face. "Of Course!" she said as she handed Lynnet back to Karkat. "Are You--"

"SORRY I HAVE TO GO DO SOMETHING IMMEDIATELY."

Karkat turned on his heel and fast walked out of the living room. He found himself in the hallway. There were voices behind him, approaching. Fearing further interaction, he ducked into the nearest room and shut the door.

Karkat had stumbled into the nursery. The walls were painted navy with little yellow stars. Dave had wanted to go with a color like lavender or sky blue, but Karkat was worried about their child's eyes. If they were born with troll eyes, a dark color would be far more comfortable on their sensitive retinas. Karkat half expected to be wrong but now that he saw Lynnet look up at him with those big, yellow eyes, he felt a bit better. Maybe he really could do this.

There was a soft knock on the door. Karkat opened it to find Jade standing on the other side.

"Hey, um, I hope I'm not interrupting you or anything. I just was excited to see what you guys did to the room."

"IT'S FINE. I WAS JUST..." Karkat trailed off, unsure of how to complete that sentence.

Jade gave him a sympathetic smile. "Having a bit of a mental break down?"

Karkat laughed. "HONESTLY? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS FUCKING DOING. WHAT I _AM_ FUCKING DOING." He walked over to Lynnet's crib and set her gently in it, watching as she rolled and giggled. God, she was adorable. Two horns identical to Karkat's popped out from little wisps of dark brown hair. Karkat guessed Dave's blondness must have canceled out a bit of the troll's natural black hair color. She was round and chubby and so damn smiley. He reached down and touched her cheek with the back of his hand.

"That's very valid," said Jade as she came up behind Karkat to peer into the crib. "I can't imagine how crazy this must all feel."

Karkat sighed. "IT'S LIKE... I'M A FUCKING DAD. FOREVER. THAT'S AN INTEGRAL PART OF MY IDENTITY NOW. I'M NOT JUST KARKAT VANTAS ANYMORE, Y'KNOW? I'M KARKAT VANTAS-STRIDER, FATHER TO LYNNET VANTAS-STRIDER. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE."

Jaded nodded. "I get that. This is probably a super bad comparison, but I think I felt a little like that when I got stuck with these," she said as she tapped her dog ears. "But you know what? Even though at first being part-dog was confusing and kind of frightening, I'm happy it happened."

"YOU ARE?"

"Yes! They make me feel powerful and unique. I'd be pretty sad if I somehow became fully human again."

Karkat felt some of the tension he had been carrying in his shoulders release. "THAT WAS ACTUALLY A WEIRDLY GOOD COMPARISON. I FEEL LIKE HAVING A CHILD IS LIKE SPROUTING DOG EARS ON YOUR HEAD OR... GETTING A TATTOO... ON YOUR FACE. ONE THAT READS 'I HAVE OFFSPRING WITH DAVE FUCKING STRIDER,'" Karkat said with a laugh. He expected Jade to laugh, too. Instead, her expression changed into something more melancholy.

"IS SOMETHING WR-- OH FUCK."

A few tears began to roll down Jade's face.

"JADE..." At first, Karkat was totally confused. Then it hit him. "OH. FUCK, I'M SORRY. SHIT." He brought his hands up to his head. "I KNOW THAT LIKE, GOD I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS, I KNOW YOU USED TO HAVE A THING WITH DAVE. OR WAS IT DAVESPRITE? WAIT, WAS IT BOTH? UH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT. FORGET I EVEN SAID THAT." Karkat paused. "HE LOVES YOU, JADE. DAVE REALLY LOVES YOU. HE JUST... HIM AND I... SHIT, I'M NOT MAKING THIS ANY BETTER AM I? I... I LOVE HIM, JADE. AND I NEVER MEANT TO TAKE HIM FROM YOU OR ANYTHING BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD FUCKING DO WITHOUT HIM. AND I--"

Before Karkat could finish, Jade wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. "Don't be sorry," she said. "Don't you _ever_ be sorry. You make Dave so so so happy, Karkat. In ways I never would be able to. Of course I love Dave, but it's the kind of love where as long as he's happy, I'm happy. So just keep making him happy, ok?"

Karkat pulled back, confused. "SO WHY ARE YOU CRYING?"

Jade released Karkat and wiped the mascara from underneath her eyes. "Because I want this, Karkat. Not with Dave. But it feels like everyone has someone except for me."

"OK, THAT'S NOT TRUE."

"It is though! You have Dave and Rose has Kanaya. He won't acknowledge it yet but John has Terezi. I mean, you heard them talking out there. Roxy has Calliope. Dirk and Jake may be on the outs right now, but they still have each other. They'll find their way back to each other. And then there's just... me."

"WHAT ABOUT VRISKA?"

Jade snorted. "That girl has herself. I don't think Vriska needs anyone. Same with Jane. She thinks she needs Jake but she's underestimating herself."

"BY THAT LOGIC, ISN'T IT JUST AS LIKELY THAT YOU'RE UNDERESTIMATING YOURSELF, TOO?"

Jade shrugged. "Maybe. But even if it is, I have so much love to give and nobody to give it to."

The sound of Lynnet's crying startled them both.

"OH FUCK OH SHIT WHAT DO I DO?" Karkat said.

Jade pushed past him and began to rock the crib.

_"When the light is running low_  
_And the shadows start to grow_  
_And the places that you know_  
_Seem like fantasy..._  
_There's a light inside your soul_  
_That's still shining in the cold_  
_With the truth, the promise in our hearts..._  
_Don't forget_  
_I'm with you in the dark."_

By the time Jade had finished singing, Lynnet had stopped crying and was beginning to close her eyes. Karkat opened his mouth to say something but Jade put a finger to her lips. Karkat nodded and they both left the room.

"We should probably go back to the party," Jade said once the nursery door was shut.

"YEAH."

She turned to leave.

"HEY, JADE?"

"Yes?"

"THANKS FOR THAT."

She gave Karkat a warm smile. "Of course. Now, go find your husband."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr: @spacegirl-kali


	4. B3TT3R LUCK N3XT T1M3, 3GB3RT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dirk deal with their troll-girl-related issues.

"She's insane. I have no clue what I should do."

Dirk nodded. "Both of them are. Troll girls are straight bonkers."

"You're telling me." John crossed his arms. "What was Vriska bothering you about?"

"Jake stuff."

"Oh. Sorry, man."

Dirk shrugged. "The shitty part is I think she might be right."

"How so?"

"In her own, twisted way, Vriska told me I should talk about it," Dirk said with a sigh. "It was obviously just a thinly-veiled attempt to get me to gossip with her, but still. Maybe I should." He seemed to shrink slightly where he stood.

John pressed his mouth into a hard line. "Well... If you want to, I can listen."

Dirk shook his head. "Nah. You've got your own shit to deal with."

The two boys stood in awkward silence.

"Vriska's not as bad as she seems," John said after a minute. "Even though she comes off as kind of a bitch, I think nine times out of ten she's actually trying to be helpful. Her intentions are just overshadowed by her... personality."

Dirk huffed out a laugh. "Yeah? Not sure I believe you on that one, buddy. You wanna talk about what was going on with Terezi over there?"

John groaned and put his head in his hands. "Terezi's just... Terezi. One second she's telling me I'm a huge dork who will never be as cool as Dave and the next she's leaning over Karkat to tell me how cute I am. I never know if she's flirting with me to get a reaction out of me or if she actually likes me or if she hate-likes me or whatever. It drives me nuts not to have a straight answer but I can't point-blank ask her!"

"I mean, why not?"

John opened his mouth and then promptly shut it again.

"Don't get me wrong," Dirk continued. "I definitely would not ask her. But that's me, and you're you."

John tilted his head to the side. "What does that mean?"

Dirk drummed his fingers on the counter. "You've got this, and don't take this the wrong way, charm about you. You're a lot more genuine than the rest of us. If you go up to Terezi and say 'hey, how do you feel about me?', I bet you'd get an honest answer out of her. Maybe I'm wrong and she'll just tease you about it, but I don't think so. It might give you an opportunity to finally be real with her."

John looked down at his shoes. "What do I do if she likes me?"

Dirk laughed. "C' mon, Egbert. You think I know the answer to that? I'm not exactly the authority on romance over here."

"Ok, good point," said John. "But if I do this, we're going to make a deal."

"What kind of deal?"

John started to walk away from the counter and over to the kitchen's doorway. "If I talk to Terezi," he said without turning around. "You talk to someone about Jake, ok? It's going to eat you alive if you don't."

Dirk was silent until John started tapping impatiently on the door. He sighed. "...Ok. Deal."

John gave Dirk a thumbs-up and returned to the living room. When he approached the couch, he noticed Karkat had vanished.

"Hey, Dave," he said. "Terezi?"

"'SUP, LOS3R?" Terezi replied with a smirk.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"GO R1GHT 4H3AD."

"Alone."

The sternness in John's tone wiped the smug look off of Terezi's face. "UH... Y34H, SUR3," she said as she lifted herself off of the couch.

"Oh, for real?" said Dave. "You're really all just going to leave me here by myself? At my own surprise baby shower?"

Before John could reply, Jade and Karkat appeared from the hallway. He noted the glassy look in her eyes, almost like she had been crying. Karkat flopped down on the couch, resting his head in Dave's lap.

"DON'T BE SUCH A BABY, STRIDER."

"I think Lynnet would take offense to that."

John smiled and rolled his eyes at his friends. "Alright, come on," he said as he grabbed Terezi's arm and pulled her into the hallway.

"WH4T'S YOUR D34L?" she asked once they were alone.

"My deal? What's _your_ deal, Terezi?"

She crossed her arms. "NOT SUR3 WH4T YOU'R3 G3TT1NG 4T H3R3, P4L."

"I think you know exactly what I'm getting at," said John. Terezi raised an eyebrow at him. He took a deep breath, "You're always giving me these mixed signals and I can't tell if it's just to fuck with me or if you have feelings for me or hate-feelings or whatever but I can't fucking stand it anymore! Can you just tell me how you feel about me? Because I'm sick of wondering if I should do something or if you're trying to trick me into doing something just to mess with me. I'm sick of it, Terezi." He ranted, cheeks burning slightly.

Terezi giggled. "SM3LLS L1K3 YOU'R3 BLUSH1NG, JOHN."

"So what if I am?!" he practically yelled. "Would you just... be real with me for two seconds? Then you can go back to being your weird, taunt-y self."

"...YOU R3ALLY W4NT M3 TO B3 R34L W1TH YOU, JOHN?"

"Yes!!! I am so lost when it comes to you and I don't know if--"

John couldn't finish his thought, because Terezi kissed him. The kiss was quick and uncharacteristically sweet. 

"I--," said John after she pulled away. "Um."

"UM?"

"Well, I guess I'm surprised."

"WH4T? S3R1OUSLY?"

John sat down on the hallway floor and leaned back against the wall, hugging his knees. Terezi slid down next to him.

"I'm not stupid, I know you've been flirting with me," he began. "But I guess I always thought that none of it was really real."

"TH4T M4K3S Z3RO S3NSE. WHY?"

He shrugged. "Mostly because of Vriska."

Terezi looked confused for a moment before laughing and punching John on the shoulder.

"DUD3, SH3'S MY MO1R41L, NOT MY M4T3SPR1T."

"Yeah, I know... I just always got the feeling that there was more than that between you two."

Terezi pondered for a moment. "TH4T'S TRU3. BUT 1 TH1NK 4 CRUC14L D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N HUM4NS 4ND TROLLS 1S YOUR L4CK OF 4B1L1TY TO S3P3R4T3 S3X FROM LOV3. 4ND 3V3N TH3N, 4LT3RN14 ST1LL PL4C3ED 4 H1GH3R V4LU3 ON CONCUP1SC3NT R3L4T1ONSH1PS OV3R CONC1L14TORY ON3S. W3 H4D TO 1N ORD3R TO SURV1V3. 1 DON'T TH1NK TH4T'S HOW 1T W4S SUPPOS3D TO WORK."

John rubbed the front of his legs absentmindedly. "Huh. I guess I never really thought about how the quadrants were supposed to work without Doc Scratch screwing everything up for you guys."

Terezi nodded sadly. "MO1R41LS W3R3 R3DUC3D FROM 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P TO 4 M3CH4N1SM TO K33P P3OPL3 FROM MURD3R1NG 34CH OTH3R. BUT 1 TH1NK 1T'S 4 LOT MOR3 TH4N TH4T. 4T L34ST TO M3 1T 1S. 1T F33LS MOR3 PUR3, I GU3SS. 4 D1FF3R3NT TYP3 OF LOV3, P3RH4PS 3V3N STRONG3R TH4N WH4T YOU'D F1ND 1N 4 M4T3SPR1TSH1P. VR1SK4 4ND 1... TH1NGS W1LL 4LW4YS B3 SP3C14L B3TW33N US. NOTH1NG C4N CH4NG3 TH4T. 1'LL N3V3R LOV3 4NYON3 MOR3 TH4N 1 LOV3 H3R. BUT... TH4T DO3SN'T M34N 1 C4N'T H4V3 D1FF3R3NT F33L1NGS FOR D1FF3R3NT P3OPLE."

John nodded, still not quite understanding. Troll romance always confused him. But he had felt the bond between Vriska and Terezi ever since they first met, and didn't question her explanation. "So what you're saying is that... I'm the different person you have different feelings for?"

"POSS1BLY."

John groaned. "I thought we were being real with each other!"

Terezi's signature grin crept back onto her face. "YOU S41D TO B3 R34L W1TH YOU FOR TWO S3CONDS, WH1CH H4V3 LONG S1NC3 P4SS3D. B3TT3R LUCK N3XT T1M3, 3GB3RT," she said as she stood up. "B3S1D3S, 1 DON'T TH1NK 1 SHOULD H4V3 TO SP3LL 1T OUT FOR YOU. HOW OFT3N DO YOU K1SS P3OPL3 YOU DON'T L1K3, JOHN?"

He felt his face flush again. "... Ok. Got it."

Terezi offered John a hand and pulled him up. He quickly excused himself to the bathroom to try and get rid of the heat in his cheeks while Terezi rejoined the rest of the party. Splashing cold water on his face, John looked at himself in the mirror. 'What do I do if she likes me?' he had asked Dirk. With the Terezi's obvious feelings now staring him in the face, John had no idea what to do.

Terezi looked around the room. Vriska and Dirk seemed to be deeply focused on whatever conversation they were having and Dave and Karkat were snuggled up together on the couch. She decided to go bother Roxy and Calliope, who were giggling by the entryway to the living room.

"WH4T'S UP, P4RTY P3OPL3?"

"Shhhhh!" Roxy said with a giggle. They pointed over at Jade, who had seated herself beside Rose.

"UH, WH4T?"

Calliope grabbed Terezi's arm and pulled over to whisper in her ear. "we think that there is something fUnny going on between rose and jade and kanaya over there."

Roxy leaned over to whisper in Terezi's other ear. "Kanaya's been giving Jade weird looks all day and Rose keeps snickering at her about somethin' and it's all veryyyyy suspicious."

"OHHH R34LLY?"

All three of them giggled and glanced over at Rose. Rose, who had noticed their whispering and was now making direct eye contact with Roxy.

"Oh shit," they said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr: @spacegirl-kali


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